


I’m All In

by SaltyDonuts



Category: Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Anger Management, Angry Peter Parker, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Peter Parker, Dark Peter Parker, Deadpool being Deadpool, F/M, Feral Peter Parker, Gen, Heavy Angst, Jessica Jones is a Good Bro, Jewish Peter Parker, Luke Cage is a good bro, Matt Murdock is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Daredevil (TV) Season/Series 03, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Protective Peter Parker, Spider-man: Back in Black (Marvel Comics), Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Wade Wilson Knows Vines, Wade Wilson is a Good Bro, he really needs therapy, jessica is so annoyed at everyone but we all love her, luke is a sweetheart, peter has massive anger issues in this, peter wants to kill fisk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-25 12:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30088773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyDonuts/pseuds/SaltyDonuts
Summary: “I’m not going to kill you.” Spider-man took his mask off, and Peter Parker stared at him in the eyes, “I am.” He leaned in closer and said in a low voice, “I swear to you, you’ll be dead.”——Peter fucking loses it, but Team Red helps him out. And Tony tries.
Relationships: Betty Brant & Peter Parker, Betty Brant/Ned Leeds, Blind Al & Wade Wilson, J. Jonah Jameson & Peter Parker, Jessica Jones & Peter Parker, Luke Cage & Jessica Jones, Luke Cage & Peter Parker, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson & Karen Page, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Comments: 31
Kudos: 128





	1. It’s a Heavy Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily inspired by Spider-man: Back in Black so expect a lot of angry peter,, i mean a lot of the longer dialogue peter and fisk say is taken directly from it and tweaked a lil to fit the mcu and this story

This was bad.

This was really, really bad.

The world had frozen. Peter couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. 

_“Peter Benjamin Parker. That’s your name, right?”_

“How- how do you know that?” Peter gripped the phone tightly. His screen cracked.

_“Only seventeen. You go to Midtown High. Both parents and an uncle deceased. Mary and Richard Parker. Ben Parker.”_

“How-”

_“And you have an aunt. May Parker, is it?”_

Peter’s screen cracked more. “Don’t touch her. I swear to God-”

_“You better hurry then, Spider-man. Jackson Avenue. Queens.”_

Peter’s phone was crushed in his hand. He dropped the pieces of glass and metal. His breathing got harsher until it got to the point of huffing. Peter felt something he hadn’t felt before. His eyes were wide, and his eyebrows hurt from how furrowed they were. 

He punched the living room TV. Hard. The feeling still wasn’t gone. Peter was still huffing, and his heart was still beating violently. He shoved his mask on and jumped out the window. 

The entire way there was a blur to Peter as his mind sunk further and further. He couldn’t think straight; he wasn’t even thinking. It was just that new and strong _feeling._

Karen suddenly piped up, _“Peter, I think you should take a moment and strategize. You don’t seem to be in the right state of mind, and your vitals are unusual.”_

As he swung, Peter said in a stiff voice, “Karen, stay quiet for the time being.”

_“Are you sure about that, Peter? I could be of help.”_

“I said to go quiet.” Peter swore the AI was almost hesitant before it went silent.

When he got there, he didn’t even try being stealthy. Peter threw himself feet-first through a roof window. He landed on the dirty warehouse floor, and he was immediately surrounded by a couple of Fisk’s goons. 

Peter looked directly at one of them. They flinched. Huh.

He heard footsteps from the front of the room. When Peter looked, that _feeling_ got stronger. There was May with her hands tied behind her back, and being dragged by her hair by another goon on her left. Fisk was on her right. 

“Pete? Pete, honey-” The goon hit her with the tip of his gun. He pointed the gun to her head. She started sobbing.

If Peter wasn’t wearing his suit, his nails would be digging into his palms.

“Fisk, let her go.”

“Parker. You send almost one hundred of my men to jail with your little _Team Red._ You helped those idiotic lawyers dismantle the remains of Hell’s Kitchen last hope. Did you think it would have been easy to get away unscathed?” Peter started huffing again. Fisk chuckled. “It was actually a little humorous how easy it was to send one of my men to tail you and find out your identity.”

There were only two goons aiming guns around him. They— at least one of them— seemed to be scared of Peter. There was the one guy holding May, but he shouldn’t be too hard for Peter. If he was careful, he could get away from Fisk and-

_BANG!_

May’s limp body fell to the floor. Blood pooled around her head. There was a gory hole at the back of it. 

Peter’s mind was blank for a moment. 

Then came that _feeling_ again. His heart started beating against his chest again. He was huffing like some feral animal. He was pretty sure that, somehow, he was making his palms bleed now. There was a rush of adrenaline coursing through his entire body. 

Peter thinks he finally has a name for that feeling. It was _rage._

He shot webs at the guns the goons around him were holding and snatched them. Peter threw it far enough, and dodged a bullet from the other goon using his spidey-sense. He webbed up the last guy’s gun and threw it out of the window he crashed through earlier.

Peter roundhouse kicked the guy on his left on his head. He guessed he kicked too hard because the guy immediately went unconscious. Peter turned around and grabbed the wrist of the other goon’s fist which just tried punching him. The goon’s eyes widened and Peter head butted him. He grabbed the goon’s forearm with his other hand and threw him on the ground. Peter ignored the cracking noise. 

He turned around and webbed the last goon. Peter threw the goon against some wall without thinking. 

Peter met eyes with Fisk.

He huffed and threw a web bomb at Fisk, sticking his arms together. Peter ran over to Fisk, but the behemoth of a man broke out of the webs throwing Peter off. He punched the vigilante on his cheekbone _hard,_ but luckily, Peter barely dodged the next punch using his spidey-sense. He jumped up high and threw two web bombs at Fisk which seemed to do the job. Peter threw himself feet-first at the Kingpin’s chest. Fisk fell on his back with a hard _thud,_ and Peter webbed up Fisk’s legs with triple the webbing he’d usually use. 

Webs usually dissolved in two hours. Fisk’s arms and legs were both trapped under the thick webbing. Peter had plenty of time.

Peter walked over and grabbed Fisk by his stupid tie. He made sure their faces were an inch apart. 

Peter growled, “Don’t even _think_ of coming after me again.” He raised a fist and punched Fisk’s nose hard enough to hear a crack. Peter let go of Fisk’s tie and let his head fall on the floor. He clasped his hands together in a single fist above his head and dropped it down on Fisk’s head. And then he did it again. And Again. And again. 

His anger dissipated a good chunk after he did that move. His anger went away from releasing it in punches. Huh.

Then he saw May again. He turned his head and saw Fisk’s eyes blink.

Peter grabbed him by the tie again. 

“You’re going to jail for good now, just so you know.”

He forced open Fisk’s mouth and put his web shooter over it. “Here’s what’s gonna happen. I pour a stream of webbing deep into your throat, your esophagus, all the way down into your lungs, filling them completely. The only way to remove it surgically would be to cut out your lungs, which couldn’t possibly be done before you die from lack of oxygen.” 

Peter took his web shooter away from Fisk’s mouth. “I turn your entire respiratory system into one big chunk of useless tissue and webbing. It takes three seconds.”

Fisk spit out some blood. “Why don’t you just kill me now?”

“You see, I’ve _learned_ something from you, Willie. Something about cruelty... and timing. I’ve done something worse than kill you. I’ve _beaten_ you. Me and Daredevil and Deadpool and the law firm. We’ve all _beaten you._ I want you to suffer in a jail cell. Alone, in Ryker’s. I’m _going to kill you._ Just not now. The moment you break out, I’m coming back for you. You know- you know that there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

Fisk snarled. “I thought you were a hero, Spider-man.”

“I’m not going to kill you.” Spider-man took his mask off, and Peter Parker stared at Fisk in the eyes, “I am.” He leaned in closer and said in a low voice, “I swear to you, on my life and her soul, you’ll be dead.”

Peter waited a few seconds before knocking Fisk out. He stood up and let out a breath. Peter turned and his eyes froze on May. May’s bleeding head. She was-

He couldn’t even think of the word. 

Suddenly, something ripped through his abdomen. A soaring pain spread through his lower torso. Peter looked around and saw the goon that had- that had done _that_ to May. He had a handgun in his hand pointed at Peter. 

Peter looked down. He was shot.

Peter swallowed. He went over to the goon. Peter grabbed him by his hair and slammed his head onto the wall. It knocked him out.

Peter leaned on the wall. His eyes got watery. His anger was gone. He felt tears stream down his cheeks.

What the fuck did he just do? 

When had his life gotten to this? 

He forced himself to start walking out of the warehouse; clutching the bullet wound with his mask. 

Spider-man was supposed to be about saving people. It was supposed to be about getting old ladies across the street and stopping store robberies. It wasn’t about planning someone’s murder.

Then again, Fisk was a monster, right? He had killed May in cold blood. That was unforgivable. May didn’t deserve that. She was a kind woman. She was involved in the homeless shelter, FEAST. She had just wanted the best for Peter. She was like a mother to him. She comforted him. May had done her best. She was the best. Besides, it wasn’t Spider-man that was going to kill Fisk. It was Peter Parker that was going to kill Fisk.

In a sick, dark, isolated corner of Peter’s mind, he hoped Fisk would break out of Ryker’s. Peter was disgusted with himself.

The street was empty. Peter saw a phone booth.

He grunted when he finally reached it and went inside. Peter dialed the first number. 

It picked up. _“911, what’s your emergency?”_

“There’s- Wilson Fisk is inside a warehouse on Jackson Avenue in Queens, New York.” He hung up. 

At this point, his mask was completely soaked. Peter was getting a little numb. Was a bullet going to be the end of him? 

He thought of Tony Stark. It was worth a shot just so Peter could see another day. He slipped on his blood-soaked mask.

“Karen.” His voice rasped.

_“Yes, Peter?”_

“Call Tony. I need- I need help.” Peter saw the call appear through his lenses.

It rang.

Then it rang again.

Then again.

No voicemail. Nothing.

Peter’s abdomen was starting to go numb. He didn’t want to die. Not here, not now.

“Forget it. Call-”

_“You should try again.”_

“Karen, call-” Peter coughed up blood. “Call Matt.”

Matt picked up almost immediately. _“Yeah?”_

“Matt, I think I’m- I think I’m dying. I need help. The bleeding it- it’s not stopping.”

_“Stay put, Pete. I’m on my way. Where are you?”_

Peter swallowed.

_There was May with her hands tied behind her back, and being dragged by her hair by another goon on her left. Fisk was on her right. “Pete? Pete, honey-“_

“Please don’t call me that.”

There was a pause. _“Alright, but where are you?”_

“I’m in a phone booth on Jackson Ave in Queens.”

_“Stay awake, alright?”_

“I’ll try my best.” Matt hung up, and Peter was alone again. He took off his mask, cringing at how red his face must be now with blood. Peter put his mask back on his wound. He sat down inside the phone booth and waited. 

Peter closed his eyes. He was so tired. 

Peter guessed he went unconscious because when he opened his eyes again, he wasn’t in the phone booth. 

He was on his- May’s- his couch. Then, he felt a stabbing pain where he had been shot and groaned.

“Oh, fuck, Mattie, he’s awake.”

Peter looked and saw Wade with his mask on, and Matt in his suit but without the mask on. Wade was stitching him up. 

Matt put a hand on Peter’s shoulder, “I told you to stay awake.”

“Oops.” Peter cringed at the next needle stab, _“Ow.”_

Wade’s hand didn’t flinch, “Sorry, Petey.” Peter realized how red the couch was. It was full of blood. His blood. “Last one.” Peter cringed again. “There ya go. Good as new.” Wade patted Peter’s wound gently. 

The three of them sat there in silence for a bit until Peter spoke up. “We should probably clean the couch.” 

Later that night, Peter disabled Karen.

———

Peter sat down on the kitchen table the next morning with a box of apple juice. Matt and Wade were still there. Both of them were in normal clothes now.

Matt sat across from Peter with Wade next to him. “So, what happened last night?”

_May’s limp body fell to the floor. Blood pooled around her head. There was a gory hole at the back of it._

“I- I found Fisk.” He stared at the juice box.

Matt said in a frustrated voice, “Why didn’t you call us before you-“

Peter swallowed, “He had May.” 

There was a pause. Peter stared at the juice box that was getting blurrier.

Wade spoke up. “He knew who you were?”

Peter nodded.

He heard Matt shift. “What happened to May?”

Peter felt the tears start pouring out. He shook his head. “She- she- I don’t- I couldn’t-“ Peter hiccuped. 

He felt Matt suddenly hug him. Matt was kneeling next to him and Peter rested his head on Matt’s chest. 

Peter let it out there. He cried and cried and cried. After a while, Wade came and comforted him too. 

Peter thought about everything good May had done for him and he kept crying. The horrible food she’d tried to make as an alternative to take-out. The comforting words she’d tell him when he was feeling down. Her cheap, flowery perfume. Peter was going to miss her _so much._

———

A month later, it was May’s funeral. Peter couldn’t wear the suit he wore to Ben’s funeral because it was too small now, so he had to borrow one of Matt’s old ones.

It was weird going to school now. He still did what he was supposed to do most of the time. Sure, sometimes he couldn’t muster up any motivation to do his work, but it’s not like he went off the rails either. Peter lost count of the amount of times he spaced out in class and AcaDec practice. 

_Peter stared at the pencil in his hand. It looked old. It was half its original size and was full of random scratches. The lead was barely there, so he should sharpen it soon. Maybe he should just get a whole other pencil._

_“Peter!” Peter’s head snapped up. He looked around. Ned and MJ— and Flash, surprisingly— were looking worriedly at him._

_“Yeah?”_

When he got to the cemetery, he saw a couple of distant relatives, a few people from FEAST, and that was about it. Peter’d told Matt and Wade he wanted to come alone. Ned and MJ didn’t know May was... yeah. 

The funeral was as uneventful and depressing as Ben’s. 

As they buried her coffin, Peter’s mind wandered. 

_“I swear to you, on my life and her soul, you’ll be dead.”_

No one else knew about that conversation. This was between Peter and Fisk. He had time to think about what he had said that night. 

Peter still meant every word.


	2. Leading Two Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a day in the life of peter basically

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, my ideal spider-man story in the mcu wouldn’t have tony stark t h a t involved, but i d o want this to make sense in the context of the mcu. so, i added tony to this story plus it adds some interesting shit. he doesn’t show up in this chapter tho ;)

**_Nine months after Fisk._ **

  
  


Peter was tired.

That was his first thought when he woke up. But he had gotten, like, seven hours of sleep last night, right? Peter shouldn’t be tired. 

He got up, brushed his teeth, and got dressed. He checked his phone. Wade got him a new one a while ago. He didn’t know _where_ or _how_ he got the money for it, but he didn’t ask Wade. Peter didn’t think he wanted to know either.

_Saturday. 9:28 AM._

Peter threw his bag over his shoulder and left his house. He took a moment outside to breathe and take in the Queens streets.

Peter was still tired.

He brushed off his dilemma and started speed-walking to _The Daily Bugle_ office building. Peter wasn’t stupid. He knew his boss hated him. Well not _him_ , but him. He loved Peter’s pictures, but he hated Peter. His boss didn’t hate _Peter_. He hated _Spider-man_. 

According to J. Jonah Jameson, Spider-man was a cowardly criminal and a menace to society. 

_Yeah_.

Peter had really thought about it because Jameson didn’t just hate Spider-man, he very publicly _trashed_ Spider-man. So, if someone hated him that much, Peter figured he would try to pay more attention to himself. 

But, for the life of him, Peter couldn’t ever come up with a logical reason to absolutely _hate_ Spider-man. He understood why his enemies hated him. Peter took Toomes’s family away by getting him arrested hence _hate_. Peter put the Rhino in jail too hence _hate_. Peter even put Scorpion in jail hence _hate_. Peter beat Fisk to a pulp hence _hate_.

But Peter never did anything even close to that to Jameson even with the mask on. He had never even spoken to the guy in his suit. Hence _confusion_. 

Maybe he was just annoying. He got that a lot when he had his mask on. Then again, what he did to Fisk wasn’t exactly subtle. Yeah, okay, Peter kind of understood the “menace” part now. That sucked.

As much as he was confused, Peter decided to take the easy route and get a job by taking high-quality pictures of himself in the red suit. Glorified selfies. He sold the pictures to Jameson for his stupid online articles, and he got to pay the rent and some bills.

That’s all the money was good for, really. The apartment was a cheap, old one. Free-lance photography wasn’t exactly a living salary. He didn’t bother trying to get an actual job at some store or something. If Peter did, he’d lose it in a week or less since he’d constantly be ditching it because of his Spidey business. 

Peter got food to live from his _friends_.

“Peter!” He looked up. Oh, _Betty_. She had just finished her shift. 

After he got the job-ish, Betty had asked him about it and eventually landed an internship at the office. Go figure.

Peter smiled, “Hey, Betty. Is JJ in a bad mood?”

Betty grimaced, “Yeah, unfortunately. I heard him yell at some poor guy for not putting a word in italics.”

Peter whistled, “Don’t you work a floor below him?” Betty pursed her lips and nodded. Great. “Alright, whatever. I’m just gonna drop these off as fast as I can.”

Betty crossed her arms, “You ever gonna tell me how you get _Spider-man_ to let you take pictures?”

Peter shrugged, “A magician never tells his secrets.”

Betty smiled, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bye, Betty!” And he took off to enter the building.

The ride up the elevator and the walk to JJ’s office was a blur. When Peter got there, Jameson was red-faced and yelling his lungs out at his assistant. 

“ _H_ _OW_ DID YOU FUCK UP THE _TITLE?”_

Peter took out his small stack of pictures, “Uh, Mister Jameson-“

Jameson turned around violently, “WHAT DO YOU WANT, PARKER?”

Peter’s eyes widened. So it was a very, very bad day. “I got the Spider-man pictures.”

Jameson snatched them out of Peter’s hands. “LEAVE MY OFFICE _NOW_ , YOU MIDGET!”

Despite Peter being only an inch shorter than Jameson, he left quickly.

Next on today’s schedule: food. Breakfast, specifically. 

Peter knew he was out of actual food at his apartment, so he had to go do some pick-ups. All Peter really had was some milk, and he had five fortune cookies from a thankful Chinese restaurant owner after she almost got robbed. 

Right as he shoved his hands in his pockets and started jogging, he heard a crash nearby. 

Peter turned around and was met with the sight of the one and only Vulture. He was on another street wrecking spree after breaking out of jail. Great.

Quickly, Peter ran over to an alleyway. He took a quick look around before changing in a few seconds. He sloppily stuffed his clothes into his bag and webbed it behind the dumpster. Then, Peter smiled and took off.

Peter landed on top of a street light and crouched down. “Y’know, as much as you’d want to be a bird, I gotta break it to ya, buddy. Science hasn’t gone that far yet.”

He saw Toomes look up at him and then... _fly_ up. God, Peter hated all the animal themes.

“Aren’t you tired of this back and forth, Spider-man?”

Peter shrugged, “Eh, I mean, you’re still going back to jail.”

“Oh, yeah? I got a few upgrades.” Then, Toomes threw two metal feathers at Peter. Thank God for his Spidey-sense. He back-flipped off of the street light on time and landed on the street. 

Toomes started circling around him in the air while continuing to throw those metal feathers at Peter. As easy as it was to keep dodging the feathers, Peter couldn’t keep at it forever.

The next metal feather his Spidey-sense warned him about, Peter shot a web at it and threw it back at Toomes. It hit his wing, but it barely did anything. He sighed and then perked up, “Hey! Why did the vulture get kicked out of the plane?” No response. Ugh, why was this guy so boring? “Because they didn’t allow _carrion!_ Get it? Because vultures eat-“

“Shut up!”

“Jeez.” Peter dodged another feather, “Okay, this one’s corny, but listen,” Peter chuckled at himself, “Why did the vulture cross the road?”

“Shut up, you annoying fucking-“ He threw a garbage bin at Peter.

Peter dodged it, “Because the chicken didn’t make it!” He snorted at his own joke. “Get it? Because the vulture ate the-”

 _“AAUUUGHH!”_ Toomes threw three metal feathers at Peter.

Peter swung around, dodging more feathers before he remembered something. 

Toomes’s wings were powered by small turbines. Peter stuck himself to a building’s wall and waited for more metal feathers. Peter webbed the next feather and threw it at one of his turbines. Almost immediately, Toomes’s wings started spazzing out before he fell onto the street.

Peter jumped over to him and heard Toomes talking to himself. “Shit, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Shit, shit.”

Peter punched Toomes’s face. “C’mon baldy, why aren’t you wearing your old helmet?” Toomes tried throwing a punch back, but Peter caught the guy’s fist. “Super strength, remember?” This time, he headbutted Toomes. Hard. 

Toomes staggered backwards, and Peter pushed him so he’d fall down. He webbed Toomes down onto the street, so he couldn’t get up. Peter crouched down, “I’m gonna call the police now, if you don’t mind.”

Toomes’s bloody face looked at Peter, “I still know who you are, Parker. Keep this up, and someone else might know who’s under that stupid mask too.”

Peter frowned. “I got another joke. I shot a vulture today. It was a _scavenger_ hunt.” Then, he grabbed Toomes’s head and slammed it on the ground hard enough to make him go unconscious. Peter let out a breath. 

He was so tired.

Peter groaned and stood up. He contacted the police at a random phone booth and swung away. He picked up his bag from behind the dumpster and slung it over his shoulder. Peter landed on the roof of some random building before his stomach let out an angry growl. Right. Food. 

He jumped off of the roof and swung over to Hell’s Kitchen. Peter could’ve just _called_ Matt, but he disabled Karen a year ago. His mind wandered to that time, and he wondered just why Stark had cut off contact with him like that. Peter’d understand if their last interaction was the argument after the Ferry Incident, but it wasn’t. After the homecoming disaster, Tony had invited Peter over to his lab to work with him practically every weekend. 

Then, a little bit after Peter turned sixteen, Tony canceled a weekend. Which was fine. But then he canceled another one. Then another one. And another one. Eventually, Peter stopped getting cancel calls, so he never went. 

There were times before May died that Peter needed help. When he didn’t know Matt and Wade and he needed someone. May was there, but she couldn’t really help him gather info about a drug ring that he later found out was run by Fisk. She couldn’t help him get over his anxiety that one day he would get beat for good. The anxiety that they’d get him _bad_ one day. 

Peter got snapped out the mental hole he was digging himself into when he saw a familiar neon sign. He swung over to the apartment next to it and stuck to the window. Peter knocked on the window. Nothing.

He pressed his lenses against the glass but the windows were so blurry he couldn’t make out anything. So, he knocked again even harder. 

Peter heard noise on the other side of the glass and started knocking on the glass non-stop.

Again, he knew he was annoying. 

The window opened, and there was Matt in all his pissed off glory. “Yes?”

Peter leaned in, “I’m hungry. I’m stealing food.”

Matt let out an annoyed sigh and made way for Peter to drop inside his apartment. Matt closed the window, and Peter snatched his mask off. Peter threw his mask on Matt’s couch and jogged to the kitchen. He took out two slices of bread and slapped cheese, ham, ketchup, and mayo onto it. Peter sat on the dining table and took a bite.

“Usually, you come by at the ungodly hours of the night. What happened last night?” Matt slipped on his red glasses. 

Peter swallowed, “Just made sure Fisk was still in jail.”

Matt frowned, “Peter, he’s not getting out this time. He’s in one of the most secure prisons-“

He put down his sandwich, “He got out last time. And you know what happened last time.”

Matt stepped closer, “He wasn’t in Ryker’s then. Now he is. He can’t and won’t get out.”

Peter averted his eyes despite knowing the man was blind. “Doesn’t hurt to check.”

“Yes it does. You know it does. You have to move on eventually, but you can’t if you keep being paranoid.”

“I’m not being paranoid-“

“Fisk is in _Ryker’s_ for God’s sake-“

Peter dropped down from the table and looked Matt square in the eye. “He knows who I am. And it’s not like Ryker’s is gonna make him magically forget my face and name.” Peter felt his heart speed up and a lump in his throat start to form. He started talking in a quieter voice, “Fisk already got May. He could get MJ next or anyone else. I don’t- I can’t handle that. Not again.”

Matt furrowed his eyebrows and put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Peter, you’re not alone anymore. Last time, you were going after Fisk alone. Wade and I couldn’t help because we didn’t even know what you were doing. But you have to realize you’re not doing this alone anymore. You have... Team Red.” Peter smiled at Matt’s cringe at the name. “And you have the Defenders too.”

“But I can handle myself.”

“I know you can. We all do. You can more than handle yourself, but it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.”

Peter huffed and turned around. “I’m gonna grab some food.” He unzipped his bag and started scavenging Matt’s kitchen. 

Unaware to Peter, Matt’s eye twitched and he frowned at the brushing off of his advice to Peter.

———

Peter checked his phone briefly.

_Sunday. 1:47 AM._

He looked outside his window at the city lights. Peter guessed it was true what they said about New York.

The city that never slept.

Just like him.

Peter leaned onto the window sill. He looked at the city lights.

He was so tired.

It was a bad night. Every time he started drifting into sleep, he saw his hands caked in blood that wasn’t his. Or maybe it was. He couldn’t really tell sometimes. 

As much as Peter wanted to sleep, he appreciated the quiet with the distant sounds of the New York streets. If he focused hard enough, he could hear the couple upstairs whisper sweet nothings to each other. If he strained his eyes hard enough, he could see a kid sleeping in an alleyway alone. If he strained his nose hard enough, he could smell the alcohol from the college kids leaving a nearby club. 

Late nights had their pros. Especially in New York. 

Peter thought about what his life would’ve been like if it wasn’t the way it was. If he hadn’t stormed out of the house, Uncle Ben never would’ve died. If he never went on the Oscorp trip freshman year. If he didn’t have to ditch Liz at Homecoming. If Fisk never knew who he was. If May was still alive. A lot of things could’ve gone differently. 

Peter saw a cop car race across his street with the sirens blaring.

His dilemma could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so that’s it for now,, next chapter will be up pretty soon so stay posted :))


	3. Why’d You Bottle it Up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony visits peter after over a year of not seeing him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony has entered the chat** like i said, i’m trying to make this make sense in the context of the mcu so theres tony and peter angst in this muah

Tony hadn’t seen Peter in a year and a half.

In that year, Tony had been completely focused on Civil War repairs, helping Pepper out with SI, and working with SHIELD. A lot of stuff had happened without Tony too. People _born_ with powers were becoming more commonplace and given the name “mutants.” All in all, it was a busy year and a half. So much so that Tony barely even kept up with the news. He usually just learned about these major changes when he talked with Pepper or Rhodey.

Sure, he had seen the news and whatnot mention Spider-man, but he never really paid much attention. Now, he finally had somewhat of a break, so he decided to pay the kid a visit with Happy. He didn’t bother checking anything before making his trip to Queens because Tony figured it’d be nicer to hear everything from Peter firsthand. Truth be told, he was excited to hear the kid gush again about some robbers and muggers he had taken down. Peter was seventeen now, so Tony expected some random developments from his personal life and school too since he was fifteen going on sixteen last time Tony saw him. Maybe he finally got together with that MJ girl Tony was 98% sure Peter had a crush on. Maybe he got into MIT and Tony could help him out with it.

Tony couldn’t deny he was excited to see the kid again.

So, there he was. In one of his cars on the passenger seat while Happy sat next to him in the driver’s seat. He quickly looked at his phone.

_Sunday. 3:48 PM._

Happy looked over at him, “Ready, Tones?”

Tony smiled and nodded. He took off his sunglasses and got out of the car.

He took a moment to look at the dingy apartment building before going in. Tony should try to get May and Peter a new place in Queens.

Tony quickly jogged up two flights of stairs, taking a minute to catch his breath when he reached the right floor. Damn, he was getting old.

He walked up to the door with a _15_ on it, and Tony knocked. When he knocked, he heard something heavy fall on the floor which... concerned him. Tony knocked again, and this time he heard footsteps on the other side. 

When the door opened, it was definitely Peter, but he was different.

The kid had a sharper jawline, dark circles that weren’t there before, he was a little taller, and his hair was longer. Not shoulder length, but Tony could tell Peter hadn’t gotten it cut in a while.

Peter stared at him for a moment with bleary eyes. He blinked. And then he kept staring. 

_Okaaaay_. Tony shifted, “Uh, kid?”

Peter blinked again before shaking his head, “Sorry, long night. What’re you doing here?”

That... threw Tony off. Was it not clear that he was just visiting? Had it been that long? Was a year and a half longer for a teenager somehow?

Tony frowned, “I’m visiting. Checking up on you. You okay?”

Peter raised his eyebrows and stared at Tony again. “ _Checking up_ on me?”

Alright, Tony was getting frustrated now. Was it that long of a night? He was sure May wouldn’t let Peter stay out _that_ long as Spider-man without contacting Tony. “Yeah, I’m checking up on you. It’s been a while, and I wanna see how you’re doing.”

“It’s been a year.”

“I’m aware.”

“And a half.”

“Mhm. Can I come in now?”

A pause. “A lot of stuff happens in a year and a half, Mister Stark.”

Tony started getting nervous. Why was Peter acting like this? He was pretty sure he didn’t do anything to the kid. They didn’t part in a big argument or anything like that. Tony tried ignoring the anxiety growing in his stomach. “Pete-“

“Don’t call me Pete.”

That hit Tony like a train. He started feeling an ache in his chest growing. “Peter. I just wanna catch up with you. I’ve been busy this entire time, and I’m trying to get everything to how it was.”

For a second or two, Tony caught a glimpse of an expression on Peter he never hoped to see. He looked hurt and heartbroken, but then it disappeared. Tony hoped it was just his imagination or something. 

Peter let out a breath and made way for Tony to walk into the apartment. When he stepped in, Peter made a beeline to the kitchen giving Tony a little alone time. He sat down on one side of the couch and looked around. There were about three dirty plates and four dirty cups on the coffee table. The couch had a suspicious small red stain on the arm rest. The TV had a massive crack on the screen. Scratch that, the screen was completely broken. And that was just the living room. Were May and Peter short on money?

Tony heard Peter come back, and he looked up. The kid had a bowl of milk and cereal that he was eating and sat on the other side of the couch. Peter didn’t look at Tony. 

This was... not going as expected. The anxiety in Tony’s stomach grew. He tried lightening up the mood. “How the hell did that happen to the TV?” 

He saw Peter look up and then back down at his cereal. “I punched it.” Tony raised his eyebrows. “Don’t ask why.”

“Isn’t it a little late to be eating breakfast?” Peter shrugged in response. Jesus, this wasn’t going anywhere. At this point, Tony was sure _something_ had happened to Peter. Maybe him and that Ned kid stopped being friends. Maybe Peter and the MJ girl had broken up recently. “How’re things going with Spider-man?”

Peter swallowed, “Good. Good. It’s great.”

Alright, that seemed to do something. Tony knew the kid was awkward when he first met him, and maybe that’s what was happening right now. After all, it had been a while. 

Tony motioned at the dirty dishes on the coffee table with his hand, “May out of town?”

Then Peter froze for a second. He dropped his spoon into the bowl of cereal and set the bowl down. 

Peter looked at Tony, “Her funeral was eight months ago.”

A beat of silence followed. Tony was speechless. He frowned, “What?”

“I said: her funeral was eight months ago.” 

Tony was horrified. He had to be having a nightmare. The ache in his chest grew and morphed into despair. “How?”

“I’m not telling you. You disappear for, like, what is it? Eighteen months? A year and a half, right? I tried calling you when I needed help, but the calls never went through, so I stopped calling. You were radio silent. I know you’re not my dad; you don’t have a responsibility to take care of me.”

Tony was disappointed in himself. _Why_ did he tell FRIDAY to silence all his calls during that time? He should have tried a little harder to make some time for the kid. Peter was a good kid, and Tony _wanted_ to be there for him. This wasn’t like before where all his calls were from business partners. But he fucked it up. “Peter-“

Peter stood up and looked down at Tony with an angry face. “You didn’t _have_ to act like a mentor to me after Toomes, but you did. You did, and I thought I had someone in my corner. For a whole year, you taught me things to do with tech, robotics, coding, and my suit. And then out of the blue, you just left.” 

The despair in Tony’s chest grew even more, if that was possible. “I’m sorry, I really am. Just-“

“ _No_ , you left me. I even thought about inviting you to her funeral.” Peter’s eye twitched, “But May didn’t deserve having someone like you show up. She deserved having people who actually gave a shit. Y’know I almost died, right? Y’know I almost bled to death, right?” Tony got even more horrified and disappointed with himself. “That’s what I thought.” He looked at Tony with glassy eyes. 

Tony stood up. “I know this is unforgivable, but I can try my best to make it up to you. Really. We can fix this.”

Peter frowned, “What? So you can leave again? _Fuck you_.” He said the last sentence with a push to Tony’s chest. 

Tony felt like he was in an out-of-body experience. He felt like his body was in auto-pilot walking out of Peter’s apartment and down the two flights of stairs. Happy even got _concerned_ at Tony’s 180 change in mood. 

Tony was in shock.

———

When Tony got back home, he went straight to the research section of his lab. He pulled up some holographic screens, and went to work. 

The pit in Tony’s stomach sunk lower and lower with everything he found out.

Peter had been emancipated for the last nine months, hence him being able to live alone. Tony still didn’t know how the kid managed to get a lawyer who didn’t ask for an unbelievable amount of money. He didn’t know how the kid had managed to not get thrown into the foster system immediately. Tony wondered what kind of firm Nelson & Murdock was. He’d have to look into them.

Ever since May had died, Peter had gotten a job at _The Daily Bugle_. Apparently, he was a “freelance photographer” now. Taking pictures of… Spider-man. Tony let out a small chuckle at the thought of Peter basically taking selfies.

Tony managed to sneak into Midtown High’s system and peak at Peter’s grades. They weren’t bad, but they had definitely taken a hit too. 

Next, Tony started looking at all the news about Spider-man.

Tony started looking at articles in chronological order from when he first disappeared 18 months ago. It was standard stuff: 

_SPIDER-MAN Saves Local Teenager!_

_MUGGER Stopped by SPIDER-MAN!_

_CAR CHASE Stopped by SPIDER-MAN!_

He started getting worried when he reached the articles from 15 months ago.

_SPIDER-MAN Seen with DAREDEVIL!_

_DEADPOOL and SPIDER-MAN are PARTNERS Now?_

_SPIDER-MAN and DEADPOOL Stop the SHOCKER!_

Tony noticed a trend when he reached the news from 12 months ago.

_TEAM RED SPOTTED TOGETHER!_

_TEAM RED STOPS DRUG RING!_

He frowned at the development of “Team Red.” Tony knew who Daredevil and Deadpool were. Daredevil was a vigilante who mostly did good, sure, but he was violent. The criminals Daredevil left behind were almost always painted purple and red and always unconscious. Deadpool was downright insane in Tony’s book. He was a mercenary who had apparently now become some sort of vigilante. Deadpool killed people, and usually the _murders_ made Tony nauseous. Recently, it seemed like Deadpool’s killings were quick with a bullet. That didn’t change Tony’s opinion.

At 11 months, Tony thought he started piecing something together. 

_SECRET FISK ORGANIZATIONS EXPOSED by NELSON & MURDOCK! _

_WILSON FISK BREAKS OUT!_

_KINGPIN IN THE SHADOWS!_

When he reaches the point of 9 months ago, Tony gets a sick feeling in his stomach.

_NELSON & MURDOCK STRIKE KINGPIN AGAIN! _

_MORE SECRET KINGPIN ORGANIZATIONS EXPOSED!_

_SPIDER-MAN BEATS THE KINGPIN!_

Tony doesn’t breathe for a moment. He opens up May’s digital death certificate. 

She died nine months ago. Right when Wilson Fisk was arrested again. 

Tony noticed a two month gap in articles about Spider-man.

_DAREDEVIL & DEADPOOL STOP BOMBING! _

Tony finds another spur of articles from 7 months ago. 

_SPIDER-MAN VS. THE SCORPION!_

_TEAM RED TEAM-UP with JESSICA JONES!_

_SPIDER-MAN & LUKE CAGE TEAM-UP! _

Tony had to search up those two vigilantes. They didn’t worry him too much, but he was still wary of them. 

When he reached the articles from 5 months ago, Tony noticed a new trend.

_SPIDER-MAN VS. THE RHINO!_

_SPIDER-MAN: THREAT OR MENACE?_

_THE SCORPION STINGS AGAIN!_

He inwardly cringed at some of the titles, but he nonetheless got even more worried. From then until now, the news around Spider-man seemed to fall into the same trends.

_SPIDER-MAN STOPS BURGLARS!_

_SPIDER-MAN BEATS THE RHINO!_

_THE VULTURE ESCAPES!_

Now, Tony had two new goals in mind. Find out how the fuck Nelson & Murdock fit into the equation, and reconnect with Peter. Somehow.

He’ll figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for the next chapter folks


End file.
